When it comes to understanding the way you think, feel and behave, it is useful to have an awareness of how your brain works. This is...

Uncomfortable feelings are part of what it means to be human, but we don’t always know what to do with them. One way of seeing these feelings is to imagine them to be like a Ball of Discomfort. This ball represents the energy of our emotions. We experience this energy as physical sensations in the body. For example, we might feel a tightening in the stomach and a racing heart when fearful.   Emotional energy is part of our survival mechanism. It motivates us to move towards s

Do you ever find yourself pulled in all directions, trying to meet the needs of others? Or frustrated by the things that others do?...

Do you ever find yourself in a conversation with someone and they seem distracted, not really paying attention to what you are saying? Or they end up interrupting you with their opinions and advice? They ‘speak into your  life’, telling you what you should be thinking and doing. You end up holding back a little or telling them what you think they want to hear.   Perhaps there are times when you find yourself doing the same to others: your mind is elsewhere, you interrupt, you

The Listening Space is a process that uses a specific set of questions (called Clean questions ) to help you explore what is on your mind in a way that can be constructive and very creative. What follows is a lovely story that was shared with me by a friend who held a Listening Space for someone she encountered in her local park. It helped him to settle his anxiety and bring some lightness to his day. "I was sitting on a bench in my local park – a place I love to go to unwin

Healthy relationships are built on reciprocal respect and consideration. They are built on understanding that comes through dialogue, where each person is an equal partner in the communication exchange, prepared to be influenced and affected by what the other says. Conversations become an opportunity to see the world as others do – rather than taking their thoughts and feelings as a personal attack. Dramas can be aired and become a springboard for collaborative problem-solvin

When things turn out the way you had wanted them to, or maybe even better than expected, it can feel great. Whether this be a project at work, a night out with friends, time spent with family, or enjoying a hobby. But, of course, things don’t always turn out the way we want them to and we can find ourselves feeling disappointed and frustrated. When this happens, it can be helpful to dig a little deeper beneath the expectations you had held for the situation. Beneath your expe

I’d like to share a story recently told to me by a coach who chose to use the Listening Space process with a client. This client was coming to terms with a recent diagnosis of ADHD: This client was wanting to understand himself better, to figure out how to be himself. He was using emotive language so I thought that asking the Listening Space questions might be helpful for him. The focus word for his exploration came quite easily. The word was ‘exhausting’, a word he had used

This is the final in a series of four blogs about how the Drama Triangle* can be used as means of identifying the kind of thinking we are...

This is the third in a series of four blogs about how the Drama Triangle* can be used as means of identifying the kind of thinking we are...

In my previous blog I wrote about how the Drama Triangle* can be used as a means of identifying the kind of thinking we are doing when...

Do you find yourself getting frustrated with others at times? Or feeling resentful about the things you feel obliged to do? Perhaps there...

Metaphors describe one thing in terms of another and give form to things which are otherwise difficult to describe. Suppose, for example, someone says that trying to stay in control is creating a ‘tension all around the top half of my body, like big iron armour crushing inwards’ , we get a very graphic sense of how this person is experiencing their situation from the metaphor they have used. Metaphors are not simply a figure of speech; they play a fundamental role in the wa

Clean questions are a great way of helping someone to bring mindful awareness to their inner experience. By repeating back the other person's words and asking these questions in a specific order, you can create a Listening Space for them. People often experience a sense of greater calm when this happens. One participant from a recent Listening Space course , Cheryl, explained how she had used these questions in her coaching work with surprising effect. She was working wit

Over the past few months of lockdown, parents across the world have had to take on the role of teacher as they home-school their children. This new role has brought both its rewards and its challenges. Some have enjoyed a slower pace of life and a break in the school routine. But there have also been moments of frustration and frayed tempers – for parent and child alike! During a recent Listening Space course, a mother of two young children described how Clean questions gav

Over the past 6 months I have been doing some research for a book that I am writing. It's all about bringing a different kind of listening to family life. As a result, I have been witness to some amazing stories unfold as individual parents explore what is on their mind in a Listening Space - a process that involves a combination of repeating key words the other person has used and asking them Clean questions . What follows is the transcript from one such session in which a

Managing the sense of 'busy-ness' that life can bring: using Clean questions to bring a moment of calm reflection and connect with w

I’ve recently started running Listening Space courses for parents in which participants are: introduced to models of human behaviour to help them understand their own thoughts and emotions better – such as Steve Peters’ Chimp Paradox experience powerful new ways of listening deeply to themselves and to others using Clean Language questions, and are given tools to help nurture healthy relationships within the family. I interviewed one participant, whose children are 8 a

Over the past few years I have noticed that if I sit still for long enough to ‘capture the moment’, a poem appears.  And if I find myself gr

Clean questions can transform the way that you listen. One participant from a recent Listening Space course, Mark, describes how he found himself switching to a very different kind of listening as he used these questions in a conversation with his colleague, Anna. She was telling him about how she was struggling to make a decision about a promotion she had been approached to apply for. Rather than going into his usual ‘fix-it’ mode, Mark decided to just sit back and listen